How to avoid being falsely accused of groping
Mainichi Daily News has an article on some key points to avoiding being falsely accused of groping on crowded trains. (Via Japan Probe)
Basically they are…
- Get an early start. If possible, depart from the first station on the line. Considering the extra outlay to purchase a reserved seat ticket.
- Be especially careful if you commute on express trains with long intervals between stops.
- If you’re standing, grasp the strap with both hands, so they are visible to everyone in your proximity.
- Turn your back towards women standing close by.
- If you happen to bump against a woman, say “Pardon me” in a voice loud enough to be heard by other passengers and change your position.
- Under no circumstances should you stand beside girls of middle school age.
- Apologize promptly and profusely for any physical contacts with a woman, even arm contact.
- Chew gum or suck on bad breath mints — bad breath tends to annoy people.
- It’s dangerous to tap out messages on cell phones as some women may suspect a man is using the built-in camera to surreptitiously take her photo.
Some of my own suggestions:
- Carry two full grocery bags.
- Play with your PSP or DS lite.
- Learn to solve a Rubik’s Cube.
- Try juggling.
- Read a book. A huge one that requires two hands for support.
- Make out with your girlfriend. (Make sure she’s legal, though)
- Alternatively, read a porn magazine with one hand and use the other hand to uh…
- Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a walking stick.
- Pretend to have Alzheimer.
- Be a J-Pop idol.
- Be female.
- Failing that, dress like a female.
- Cut off your fingers.
- Carry an ID card that says that you are an Ass Inspector for the Ministry of Health.
- Buy a car so that you don’t have to take the train.
- Rent a car if you can’t afford one.
- Steal a car.
- Grope the girl for real since you might as well.
I like the last one personally.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:11 am
Make the girl grope you instead
February 12th, 2007 at 12:33 am
i thought they have different carriages for female and male?(go see episode 002..its out.)
February 12th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Hmm, someone’s been busy with school. And Esther.
February 12th, 2007 at 2:12 am
Is that related to your rants in the channel today?
Now I can see why you said “girls are troublesome”…..
February 12th, 2007 at 2:40 am
I think this is just his laying out defense, on the way to the trial… ;)
February 12th, 2007 at 2:40 am
His defense, even.
February 12th, 2007 at 4:00 am
I thought the Big Deal with train groping in Japan was that women almost never cried out or accused people, because of Japan’s weird culture of nonconfrontationalism.
February 12th, 2007 at 6:54 am
The last option is actually pretty good. At least you are accused of something you really did :-)
I also propose: “Grope your girlfriend, after discussing on this matter before getting on the train. Imagine the shock ;D”
(That’s the same reason why I found myself less inclined to buy DVD’s. If I am breaking the law anyway by bypassing CSS, then why lose money. Especially when you can get away with downloading from “friends” :D)
February 12th, 2007 at 7:46 am
There’s no need because most Japanese women (according to what I’ve read) won’t do anything.
February 12th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Tiny Red Man:
Women only cars are limited in number and only exist during certain hours of the day. There are a lot of women who end up riding in the other train cars [aka the "chikan cars"]. There is still much work to be done before this problem can be solved…
February 12th, 2007 at 11:07 am
yeah mostly japanese women tend to be quiet about stuff.
only when they HAVE the intent to gang up on you and accuse you of groping them whereby screwing your wallet.
at least the accusers are schoolgirls most of the time lol.
in sg, you have ugly aunties accusing you of touching them by giving you the glare when you accidentally bump onto them. like…who the friggin’ hell would?