Mainichi Daily News has an article on some key points to avoiding being falsely accused of groping on crowded trains. (Via Japan Probe)

Basically they are…

- Get an early start. If possible, depart from the first station on the line. Considering the extra outlay to purchase a reserved seat ticket.

- Be especially careful if you commute on express trains with long intervals between stops.

- If you’re standing, grasp the strap with both hands, so they are visible to everyone in your proximity.

- Turn your back towards women standing close by.

- If you happen to bump against a woman, say “Pardon me” in a voice loud enough to be heard by other passengers and change your position.

- Under no circumstances should you stand beside girls of middle school age.

- Apologize promptly and profusely for any physical contacts with a woman, even arm contact.

- Chew gum or suck on bad breath mints — bad breath tends to annoy people.

- It’s dangerous to tap out messages on cell phones as some women may suspect a man is using the built-in camera to surreptitiously take her photo.

Some of my own suggestions:

  • Carry two full grocery bags.
  • Play with your PSP or DS lite.
  • Learn to solve a Rubik’s Cube.
  • Try juggling.
  • Read a book. A huge one that requires two hands for support.
  • Make out with your girlfriend. (Make sure she’s legal, though)
  • Alternatively, read a porn magazine with one hand and use the other hand to uh…
  • Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a walking stick.
  • Pretend to have Alzheimer.
  • Be a J-Pop idol.
  • Be female.
  • Failing that, dress like a female.
  • Cut off your fingers.
  • Carry an ID card that says that you are an Ass Inspector for the Ministry of Health.
  • Buy a car so that you don’t have to take the train.
  • Rent a car if you can’t afford one.
  • Steal a car.
  • Grope the girl for real since you might as well.

I like the last one personally.

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