Elections

Kerry: Noooooz! We are not losing! I refuse to admit defeat. Never forget Florida 2000! Never forget Al Gore! Never forget Pearl Harbor!!! I will mobilize every single one of my ten thousand lawyers and appeal until the truth is out or until I am declared the winner. Whichever comes first. We will defeat the Republican conspiracy! Ohio will be ours no matter what!

Bush: I win! You lose! HAHA! I’m not very good at Math, but from what those pointdexters at the White House tell me, it is impossible for Senator Kerry to win Ohio because the uncounted pro-vee-shu-nal votes, whatever that means, isn’t enough to overcome my lead. So I will announce my victory even if the Democrats do not give up as they should if they knew Math. I call it a pre-emptive victory!

Elections 2004, as told by me.

On a more serious note, if Bush loses despite a 3.7 million popular vote lead, they should really, really, really look into redesigning the electoral college system.

UPDATE: Ohhh. CNN just called Kerry for Wincousin. Now we are at 254 Bush to 252 Kerry. It still comes down to Ohio though.

UPDATE 2: Breaking News: Bush chief of staff: “We are convinced President Bush has won re-election with at least 286 Electoral College votes” and popular vote. Details soon.